Why I'm me?? or something like that....

I’ve stalled on writing my memories…sometimes it’s not so great to think about the past.  Not that I had this horrible life…I didn’t.  But sometimes it’s just easier to live in the present and enjoy the happiness that I have found in my life.

 As a child/adolescent I had very little self-esteem, but back then nobody worried about a kid’s self-esteem.  I’m sure there were parents out there that “got it” and knew that the more they helped their child, the more they focused on the positive…the better the child would turn out. But not my parents with me

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 Mom didn’t have a mom after the age of 7…so she didn’t get much mothering herself.  Dad was a quiet person that spoke the truth at all times.  So for Dad to tell me I was dumb…he felt it was just a fact.

As I stated before I was not planned or particularly wanted (Mom told me this herself).  Because of this and because I was just “me”… I was a bit of an obnoxious kid.  I talked a lot, not about anything that anyone else cared to hear about apparently, but a LOT just the same.   I remember Dad telling me to quit talking quite often.  He would get downright upset with my chatter.

I was a very active kid…I could climb anything, rode my bike everywhere…just kept moving all the time.  I had a tough time sitting still in school or church.  By today’s standards I probably had Attention Deficient Disorder Hyperactive or something!.  But in the 50’s and 60’s they just thought a child like me was a “brat” and couldn’t wait until the kid grew up and out of their home. 

I did feel Dad was really happy when I moved out.  Like a weight off his back.  Mom didn’t seem to care either way. 

Mom and I always got along.  I would stop by the house and visit with her between my two jobs.  She always seemed happy to see me.

When I first moved out I found a little place in Cotati and Judy and I lived there together.  Judy was attending Sonoma State College…I was working at Burgie’s and the Convalescent Hospital. 

I had bought a 56 Chevy for $200 that some guy had “hot rodded up”.  It had a four barrel carb and it sucked gas like crazy.  

I remember it took all my tips to keep gas in that car…just to drive it from Cotati to Novato each day. 

I would work at the hospital from 7:00 to 3:30 and then go to work as a carhop around 5:00 or 6:00 pm. 

The car hop job was great… I was cute and Burgie’s was next to Hamilton Air Force Base!! 

I went through High School pretty much a total dud.  I only dating for a short time between my Junior and Senior years… I was really just a nobody back then.

 

But at Burgie’s and around those GI’s… I looked good and I was desirable!  That felt great!   For the first time in my life I was being treated like I was “someone”. 

Now that I’m old and know more about human nature…I realize it was only hormones… but to a very insecure girl—I felt valued for the first time in my life.