Dad and I finally bond

I was reminded by Judy that I used to argue with my Dad.  I really don't remember arguing with him... all I remember is Dad either saying either NOTHING...or just stating how it's going to be and then clamming up.  But if I did argue with him...I'm not surprised.  I had nothing to lose.  It's not like he'd get any more upset with me. 

So..Dad and I never got along much as I grew up.  I moved out of the house the day after I graduated from High School.  I think both he and I were glad.  I don't remember visiting with him much after I moved away.  For one thing...I kept myself pretty busy....working 2 jobs and dating.  It was a fun time in my life.

I eventially quit the Car Hop job when I got hired on by Santa Rosa General Hospital.  At that point I started going to Beauty School.  So...I got up early, went to Cosmotology School until 2:45pm and then went to work from 3:00 to 11:30pm.  After I got off work I often went out.  During this time I dated a few different guys.  John Scott was the most steady.  His mom worked with me at the hospital and he was a nice guy.  On his 21st birthday he proposed to me...and I turned him down.  NO WAY was I ready to settle down with him. 

The census in the hospital dropped during the summer (remember back then people usually had to pay their own hospital cost and there weren't so may elected proceedures) and I got laid off.  Mrs Glenn, an RN that I worked with asked me if I'd move in with her.  She didn't drive and wanted a ride home each night.  Her husband had just left her.  So...I moved in with her. 

I was collecting unemployment of $55 a week.  My car payment was $55 and my insurance was $35... Mrs Glenn promised to feed me as much as I wanted.... so life was good!!!   The only DUMB thing was...I had to drop out of Beauty School in order to collect Unemployment.  Back then they would not pay unemployment if you were going to school!!   So...I was pretty darn free and had some cash in my pockets. 

Mrs Glenn had an aparment on Sonoma Avenue...near the park.  It was only a one bedroom apartment, but I didn't mind sleeping on the couch.  I met my neighbor and we got along fine.  We discovered that if we opened the medicine cabinet doors we could talk to each other and hear each other like we were standing in the same room.  I remember sitting in the tub chatting with Dianne.  Dianne was engaged to Jack... he only had one leg...lost the other one in Viet Nam.  A nice enough guy...rather loud though.  Jack had a roommate by the name of David.  Dianne thought I should meet David and I was up for it.  I was up for meeting any eligable bachelor!!  Dating always meant another free meal...and usually a decent meal.  (I have ALWAYS had this love affair with food!!)

So...one Friday night I put my hair in rollers and sat down to read when Dianne knocked on the medicine cabinet door.  I went into the bathroom and opened my medicine cabinet and she asked me if I could come on over.  I told her I was in for the night and had my hair in rollers.  She kept asking and finally I said I'd just peak my head in and meet Jack's roommate.

I had on a moomoo dress and a skarf over my rollers.  I headed next door and poked my head in to say "hi".  There was Jack and Dianne drinking beer and Jack's roommate drinking a Pepsi.  WOW!! what a nice guy!!  Polite, good looking and he didn't drink?    Hmmm I was interested!!

The next day Dianne told me David wanted to take me out.  I said heck yeah I'd go.  But... the phone didn't ring.  Each day I was hoping he'd call...but nope...no call.  Then a week and a half later...on a Monday (that was his only day off back then) morning he called me and asked me if I'd like to go uptown with him.  Heck Yeah!!!

As they say..the rest is History!  Actually, I started out talking about my dad and got sidetracked...so I will continue where I left off.

After I moved away from home my relationship with my dad got better.  Maybe because he didn't feel so responsible for me.  I don't know.

I had bought the 56 Chevy just before I moved out, but it wasn't the best choice of cars.  I had a little money and Dad offered to take me car shopping.  I remember we went to SF to look at cars on Van Ness.  That was pretty cool.  We didn't find anything I could afford in the SF.  We stopped at the Ford Dealer in San Rafael on the way home and I saw my 65 Mustang--it was BEAUTIFUL!!  and felt so good when I drove it.  So...I bought it. 

Years later Dad retired from Mare Island and around that time Mom asked me if I could paint the entire inside walls of their house.  Painting just happens to be one of the things I have done plenty of...so I told her sure.

I would gather up my four kids and head to Novato every day to paint.  Dad was there each day...mostly watching TV.  It was weird...for a person that didn't own a TV most of his life...he sure took a liking to it.  He liked to watch talk shows and would get rather animated about what was being said.  Just having my dad do a lot of talking was weird in it's self. 

Anyway...as I painted and Dad talked WITH me...we started to bond.  We actually found out that we could get along and we both liked each other!! I have always been grateful for those green walls...just for the fact that the time I spent painting was the best time I ever spent with my Dad. 

Why I'm me?? or something like that....

I’ve stalled on writing my memories…sometimes it’s not so great to think about the past.  Not that I had this horrible life…I didn’t.  But sometimes it’s just easier to live in the present and enjoy the happiness that I have found in my life.

 As a child/adolescent I had very little self-esteem, but back then nobody worried about a kid’s self-esteem.  I’m sure there were parents out there that “got it” and knew that the more they helped their child, the more they focused on the positive…the better the child would turn out. But not my parents with me

.

 Mom didn’t have a mom after the age of 7…so she didn’t get much mothering herself.  Dad was a quiet person that spoke the truth at all times.  So for Dad to tell me I was dumb…he felt it was just a fact.

As I stated before I was not planned or particularly wanted (Mom told me this herself).  Because of this and because I was just “me”… I was a bit of an obnoxious kid.  I talked a lot, not about anything that anyone else cared to hear about apparently, but a LOT just the same.   I remember Dad telling me to quit talking quite often.  He would get downright upset with my chatter.

I was a very active kid…I could climb anything, rode my bike everywhere…just kept moving all the time.  I had a tough time sitting still in school or church.  By today’s standards I probably had Attention Deficient Disorder Hyperactive or something!.  But in the 50’s and 60’s they just thought a child like me was a “brat” and couldn’t wait until the kid grew up and out of their home. 

I did feel Dad was really happy when I moved out.  Like a weight off his back.  Mom didn’t seem to care either way. 

Mom and I always got along.  I would stop by the house and visit with her between my two jobs.  She always seemed happy to see me.

When I first moved out I found a little place in Cotati and Judy and I lived there together.  Judy was attending Sonoma State College…I was working at Burgie’s and the Convalescent Hospital. 

I had bought a 56 Chevy for $200 that some guy had “hot rodded up”.  It had a four barrel carb and it sucked gas like crazy.  

I remember it took all my tips to keep gas in that car…just to drive it from Cotati to Novato each day. 

I would work at the hospital from 7:00 to 3:30 and then go to work as a carhop around 5:00 or 6:00 pm. 

The car hop job was great… I was cute and Burgie’s was next to Hamilton Air Force Base!! 

I went through High School pretty much a total dud.  I only dating for a short time between my Junior and Senior years… I was really just a nobody back then.

 

But at Burgie’s and around those GI’s… I looked good and I was desirable!  That felt great!   For the first time in my life I was being treated like I was “someone”. 

Now that I’m old and know more about human nature…I realize it was only hormones… but to a very insecure girl—I felt valued for the first time in my life. 

The “To Woo Sisters”

On one of our many trips to Texas we stopped at a souvenir shop along the highway to buy a trinket or post card.   I’m not sure who found the card, whether it was Dad or Judy…but my memory says it was one of those two. 

Anyway, they found this postcard that said “The Four To Woo Sisters”. 

The oldest To Woo Sister was cute and it said “Some fun to woo” next to her

The next To Woo Sister wore glasses and was reading a book and it said “No time to woo” next to her

The third To Woo Sister looked stupid and it said “Too dumb to woo” next to her.

The last To Woo Sister was a kid and it said “Too young to woo” next to her.

I remember Dad saying that was just like his girls. 

Of course Judy loved the postcard…it made her look good.  JoAnn even liked it…she did love to read.  But ME…I hated that postcard.  I hated it for what it said, and I hated it because the whole family thought it was “perfect” for the 4 Tucker girls. 

At that point I realized The WHOLE family thought I was stupid…not just Dad.

Why couldn’t ANY of them see how hurtful that postcard was?   NO... they just laughed and then Judy bought the postcard to take home. 

That postcard had a very large impact on my life.  I never forgot it and I never forgot what it said.  I was determined to prove it wrong….

I hope parents today are a little kinder to their kids!   What one person thinks is funny can be very painful to another.